Well, hello. We have come to your cold, funny little country from the tall mountains and clear rivers of Romania, the country made up of the ancient lands of Moldavia, Wallachia, Transylvania, Bukovina and Bessarabia. That’s right, Transylvania. You want to see our teeth? You will, soon enough … heheh, you fools!

Follow us here for our ‘catblog’, which the strange man in our new house says we should write, because the internet is ‘cat-crazy’ …

December 7th 2016
Here we are. I, Jadzia, came first, in May 2016, bringing light and love to my new big boyfriend Tiberius. Tiberius was a great playmate and the ideal cushion for my tiny head, but when cruel fate snatched him away in late 2016 [bloody road, a big shit on it!], drastic measures were needed, and in the next van from Romania came my brother, Sulu … white, like he has left his clothes at home! I can use the garden to run and hunt and fight, but he is locked away, poor bebelus, until he has learned the smells of the new house properly. Still, we play in the daytimes all over the house, where a tree has sprung up in the lounging-room and there are more beds than even we can sleep on all at once! Soon the gardens nearby will feel our combined power … watching this space, as they say!

December 16th 2016
The poor man! Three sleepless nights as he tends to Sulu, Ezri and to me, Jadzia, as we ‘want to come in, want to go out, we are not sure, we will hide upstairs and cry pitifully until he appears, then run about like the crazy cats all night long’ – ha ha! Sulu is of course a political prisoner in the house, and can only gaze sadly as the girls parade in the garden and look upon him with scorn! Once he has paid for his crime (he is a boy, that is enough!) he can explore the garden with us and the man can rest once again … or so he thinks – ha! Roll on Christmas with plenty of turkey and a fire every evening! Now, minion, you may rub my belly!

December 30th 2016
Hello again! Christmas has come and then is gone, and my brother and I (and the she-devil Ezri) have all enjoyed very much the turkey, the boxes and the pretty paper, which for some reason was thrown away before we were finished with it. Is the best bit! I have conquered and exploited all of the beds, cushions and soft places in the house, even the lap of the man, which is most hilarious when his legs go to sleep – ha! Soon, my brother Sulu will be allowed in the garden and with his unquestioning obedience, the whole garden area will be in our (my) power, and all will tremble! More soon, when I have finished my mid-morning nap …

January 18th 2017
The man has chosen to work from home today, so despite the sub-zero weather (seriously, you England – get act together!) my brother and I have wrought havoc in the gardens far and wide, knowing that the man is here to feed us as you say ‘willy-nilly’ … my brother has caught his first sparrow as he is a creep-and-sneak expert, and he chews it under the sofa while the man flails and curses – haha! It is Carpathian way – bite bite bite!

February 17th 2017
Your cold little country has made me sick! All day with the cough, hack, sneeze, hoik!, feeling shitty and unable to play with my long-suffering and naked-looking brother, dear Sulu … twice I have been to the vet, among the stinky chihuahuas and the mopey-looking labradors, with their sniffing and yelping. Wretched curs! My revenge will be swift and painful – how dare you look at your Queen (unelected) in that insolent way!
Now I am on the mend, with the man looking less tearful every day and the woman’s man-strangling hands finally unclenched. He is poor lamb but very loving, and I have granted him a whole two days bite-free ??

March 3rd 2017
Spring is coming – we can feel it in the fur and in the breeze that sends the fur all the wrong way – ha! Tomorrow is ‘Training Day’ for Sulu, and he must learn the in-and-out catflap thing or face a future in the doors. I will help him with kind words of encouragement and with a bite on his bony behind – bite bite!

March 13th 2017
Today is the day – the catflap is on ‘inny-outy’ and the sun is shining. The man and the woman will be home at the usual time, but until then the garden and the house are ours (and the she-devil Ezri’s) … fun fun fun till the daddy takes the t-bone steak away! Ha!

March 19th 2017
Hello to all my minions and to you, the great unwashed! We are well, and can only pity the poor man, who has awoken with ‘a chest like Tony Stark’, coughing and groaning like an old car. The woman is well, but they both look as if they could do with a break, although what from we can only guess – ha! It is the end of the first week of ‘inny and outy’ with the flapcat-thing, and the freedom is exhilarating, even if the foggy, windy weather sends us scurrying back in more often than not.

April 9th 2017
The weather is warm and lovely, and the man and the woman have returned from their break refreshed, even if their ‘things’ keep breaking down – hoover, freezer, bed, laptop – and they are scouring the ‘entrynet’ or something to find new ‘things’. We need no things, just mice to catch, food to eat and soft beds with sunny patches on them and we can be happy … even the naked Sulu, who has to have sun cream on his ears every day when it is sunny – ha!

April 14th 2017
The man is so easy to worry, it’s a shame to do so – ha! I awoke him at 2.00am with some heavy breathing and a yark-hoik or two, and the fool thought my ‘flu was back … he turned white and wandered the house for a whole hour, while I slipped outside, brought up a big hairball and came back in 100% recovered and demanding food! He collapsed back into bed and I watched him for a while, content in the knowledge that I am the mistress, and he is the servant …

May 24th 2017
The warmth of the sun upon my fur, the breeze around my ears, the absolute obedience of the boy Sulu … I am the Queen of the Summer, and you vex me at your peril! Here are some pictures …

May 27th 2017
Sulu has been fighting for his Queen like a good little soldier, but I have seen the people take him to the vets and back, and he has a very sore bottom where some awful old tom has bitten him. I have comforted him, and tried to teach him that harsh language can be just as effective against the stupid as a ‘punch up the bracket’ [Tony Hand-the-cock, funny man from the past] — I hope he listens!

August 20th 2017
My subjects – how long it is since I have spoken to you all! My English is improving in leaps and bounds, just as the boy Sulu leaps and bounds when I pursue him over the shed and down the path through the undergrowth. He is a good boy, but pays far too much attention to the man – that lap is mine, I tell you, and the man loves me best! Ezri is a little sad with the itchy skin (from her flea allergy) but the woman and the man are trying all sorts of remedies and medicines, and they are sure to find the right one soon. Shortly, there will be photographs and more bloggage – ‘keep ticky’, as the man says!

September 16th 2017
Brrr! Some rubbing of the hands and chilly willies all round. Ezri is far less itchy and joins us in the garden for fightum-biteum – it’s more fun with three! The boy Sulu once again has had a bite on his bum and more antibiotics – he must practice his ‘jab-jab-uppercut-run away’ if he wants to avoid this in the future …